Lezzington Towers


A riotous, irreverent re-working of everyone’s favourite girls’ boarding school adventure story.


Lezzington Towers, the finest finishing school for young ladies of 18 years or over in the whole of the South East of England, comes under investigation by the Ministry of National Justice [MINJ] agent, after rumours of illicit smuggling and criminal puns.


Miss Demeanor, the school secretary, craves the sturdy thighs of gorgeous games mistress, Miss Fit, (as do most of the school) but after she is found murdered, nobody is signing up for extra lacrosse practice.


“’Mallory Towers’ meets ‘Carry on Spanking’” Forgotten Tomatoes


“A travesty of a well-loved literary legacy” Enid Brighton (Author)


WATCH:  “I Enjoy Being A Femme”

Voluptuous school secretary, Miss Demeanor, explains that (should any of us be in any doubt) she is strictly a Lipstick Lesbo:



WATCH:  “Lezzington Towers School Song”

The School Song is a well-established tradition in all schools of good repute. It is also a tradition at Lezzington Towers. Here, for the benefit of a new pupil just starting at the school, staff and senior pupils lead the whole school in singing:


‘O Lezzington O Lezzington – how thrusting are your towers/ Adventuresome as Chessington, but with communal showers…’




WATCH:  “Sticky Pudding”


Despite being pretty wooden on stage – Games Mistress, Miss Fit, works up an enormous appetite both on and off the field. Things start to get sticky when, not content with the conventional ‘love triangle’ she finds herself thigh-deep in a hexagonal structure of affairs involving most of the staff room and a high volume of baked goods..




WATCH:  “Oops – I Did It Again”

Deputy Head, Miss Cane, takes great satisfaction (and possibly rather too much pleasure) in administering punishments to any young ladies (of 18 years and over) who step out of line at Lezzington Towers. Here, new girl Kinky Boots is in line for more than a good talking to..





WATCH:  “You’re the One that One Wants”


Proving that love is no respecter of social class divisions, romance ultimately blossoms between straight-laced Head Girl, Sadie Strict, and the notorious ‘cockerney’ trouble-maker, Kinky. In an attempt to leap the language barrier between them, Sadie decides to declare her love in the words of a popular song – well almost.



WATCH:  “Teacher’s Pet” 


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